


Black Lipstick Kisses

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-07
Updated: 2012-09-14
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the drive back to Rose's house, her mom asks you questions about your island and your online college classes. She jokes that she could use a lab assistant. When you take a peek at Rose in the mirror, she looks like she's about to explode from secondhand embarrassment, but you don't really understand why. Her mom is great!</p><p>Also known as 50 Shades Of Black Lipstick, also known as This Fanfic Is Not In Any Way An Affectionate Parody Of Any Other Fanfics On This Webpage, No Sir</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter one (the one with a lot of heavyhanded exposition)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing this cool new thing where I try to actually finish a multichapter fic.
> 
> (ps, I could really use a beta for this thing, so if you like incest and long walks on the beach?? hit me up.)

Your name is Jade Harley, and boy are you excited! In less than two hours you will land in New York, where you will meet your very best bffsy forever for the first time. (You don't really count the time you met in Sburb, that was way too busy for any actual friend stuff to go down.) You're going to hang out and do cool friend stuff for a whole month! John and Dave are coming too, but they're huge losers who have to go to high school, so they'll only be able to join you for about eight of those days.

One of the flight hostesses asks you if you want something to drink, and you ask for some scotch. She laughs and brings you a small container of apple juice along with a plastic cup. You scowl at her. You're not a child! You may have never had alcohol before, but that's just because your grandpa never kept any on the island (that you know of), and Rose's alternate universe mom didn't want to share when you met in the game. Maybe adult her will let you have some. She always seemed like a nice mom to you.

You drink some juice straight from the container, staring out the window on the opposite row. It doesn't look that different from what you're used to, even though you should be there pretty soon. Kind of boring, really. Maybe you should just take a nap.

You dream. It's not a future dream, not a Prospit dream, just a regular one. Instead of the nice old man who has two rottweilers at home, Rose is sitting in the seat next to you, by the window. The sun makes her hair glow, obscures her face.

She's wearing a really nice dress, like the ones her mom buys for her sometimes, the ones she doesn't like to wear. Rose sent you one, once. It's dark blue with lots of little bows and a black petticoat, the shipping must've cost a ton. The dress Rose is wearing now looks just like it, only it's purple, and you can see all the beautiful detailing on the sleeves as she leans over and touches your lower lip. Then she kisses you.

When you wake up, someone is tapping at your shoulder. It's the lady from earlier, with the apple juice. She wants to take it back to throw it away if you're done with it.

“I'm not done”, you say, but you let her have the cup. You take another sip of juice, contemplate on the feel of the carton against your lips. Rottweiler man is waking up, too, and you let him walk past you to get to the bathroom. You decide not to think about it.

The pilot says that you're landing soon, and to fasten seat belts and place your seat in the upright position, and so on. You're starting to get restless. You want to just go and meet Rose already! You're imagining knowing look on her face when she sees you for the first time, and you kind of just want to get it over with. You're going to hug that smirk right out of her, of course, but your insides are still almost buzzing with dread when you think about that one look.

Getting off the plane takes fucking forever, so when you're finally at the airport, you run. You get stopped by security, but that's okay, you don't have anything to hide. Afterwards, you go to the bathroom, ignoring the intercom voice telling you to keep an eye on your luggage at all times. Your hair is a mess. You wash your face before you go out into the waiting area.

You were sort of worried that you wouldn't be able to find Rose in all the people at the airport, but she's right there, wearing black jeans under a dark gray coat. She isn't wearing a hairband, and you happily note that her hair is kind of messy, too. She looks kind of nervous.

She's pretending to do something on her phone, and you put your bags down and run towards her, throwing yourself at her and hugging her tightly. You don't let go until she hugs back, phone still in hand

“My mother is waiting by the car,” she says, going back to grab your bags. She's wearing boots with heels that clack against the linoleum. You carry one bag each, making small talk about the weather, what you'll make for dinner, the new Squiddles season. It takes a while for you to become comfortable in each other's company, but soon you're happily bantering away, and you're almost a little disappointed when you spot Rose's mom inside a black Mercedes. _Her_ hair looks flawless. She insists that you sit in the front seat.

On the drive back to Rose's house, her mom asks you questions about your island and your online college classes. She jokes that she could use a lab assistant, lmao, call me if that ever sounds tempting. When you take a peek at Rose in the mirror, she looks like she's about to explode from secondhand embarrassment, but you don't really understand why. Rose's mom is great! You turn back and give Rose one of your biggest smiles. She smiles back. You're going to have so much fun.

 

“Hey, Rose?”

You've carried your bags into her room, and now you're sitting next to her on the bed, looking around her room. It's late; the ride there took way longer than you thought it would.

You suddenly don't know what to do. Usually when you hang out with Rose it's on the internet, so you both have other stuff to do while you talk. You're not really sure how to behave when it's just the two of you, and you can feel Rose's body heat and smell her deodorant.

“What do you do for fun around here, Rose?” you ask her, moving off the bed to take a look at the posters around her room.

“Fun?” The look on her face is pure shock. “I never have fun. I only read books and update my friends' psychological profiles which I keep in a black notebook under my pillow.”

You laugh and pounce on her. You think that Rose probably isn't a big fan of roughhousing, so you decide to go easy on her; no real force, just holding her down and laughing in her face the way Bec does sometimes. She pinches your butt, and you yelp. What!!

She giggles happily at you, like her Prankster's Gambit just increased a significant amount, and you let her up.

“You look like your Prankster's Gambit just increased a significant amount,” you inform her, leaning down to explore a pile of books on the floor by her bed.

“Jade Harley, are you imitating me?” she asks, mock incredulous.

“Do I have to be imitating you just because I used a fancy word? I'm a genius, you know!”

You pick up one of the mangas; it's the one you sent her as a very belated 16th birthday present.

“Hey, did you ever watch the anime of this one?” You ask her.

“Funny you should ask,” Rose replies, “I actually have it downloaded, but I never got around to watching it. Should we give it a try?”

You agree that you should.

 

When it's time to sleep, Rose presents you with a pink air mattress that you fill with air while she clears the floor in her room to make space for it. She gets a pillow and duvet from her mom's room, and changes the sheets so that they match hers. You dress down to your underwear, leaving your dress and leggings in a little pile by the mattress. While brushing your teeth in the bathroom, you notice the faint lipstick traces on your cheek. You don't wash them off.

 


	2. chapter two (where we establish that mom is indeed an unpredictable sexy drunk womanchild)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, look at me go!! two whole chapters and countign
> 
> (constructive criticism is my favourite thing, i mean it, if you have any advice you should definitely lay it on me. hard. be fucking brutal about it, pls)

You wake up early. Rose is still curled up in her bed, sleeping soundly - which you guess she should be allowed on a Sunday - so you just grab your clothes from last night and get dressed in her bathroom. You're absolutely starving, so you go down to the kitchen and have a look. There sure are a lot of bottles and wizards there!

You open the fridge and take out a couple of eggs. It's pretty nice in here, actually. You've never really been in a normal kitchen before. Well, more normal than what you're used to, anyway. 

You hum to yourself while you look around the kitchen, looking for a pan. Rose's kitchen has one of those stovetops that look invisible until you turn them on, and you fiddle with the settings for a bit before you find the one you want. You find some oil and pour some of it in before you crack both eggs into the pan, pushing the hair out of your face. 

You're mid-fry when you realize that you're not alone. Rose's mom is watching you from inside the living room. You haven't seen her since she disappeared after helping you get your stuff inside last night. Rose said she sleeps in the lab, mostly, when she's not passed out drunk on the sofa or in one of the guest bedrooms. 

She doesn't look drunk now. She's buttoned her dress on wrong and her makeup from yesterday is smeared all over her face. Her shoes are gone. She looks really tired. 

“Hey, kid,” she says, her voice hoarse.  
“Want some eggs?” you ask. It occurs to you that you are cooking with her food, in her kitchen, which is probably kind of rude, but she just smiles and shakes her head.  
“No thanks, babe,” she croaks.  
And just like that, she's gone. 

You can't find any bread, so you just put your eggs on a plate along with half a grapefruit and some strawberries you found in the fridge. You pour a glass of orange juice, and take your food into the living room. You eat quickly, listening to the waterfall. 

When you're cleaning your plate in the sink, you hear Rose's mom coming down the stairs. She's wearing a different dress, and her makeup looks tidy again. She walks up behind you, and you notice that you're almost as tall as she is. She reaches over you to get a glass from the cupboard over the sink, before holding it under the running water. You move out of her way, putting your plate in the dishwasher. You watch her take the glass with her back up the stairs, to god knows where. 

You go upstairs to Rose's room again and dig the laptop you brought out of one of your bags. It's one of the ones you built yourself, and one of your favorites. You log onto pesterchum, but no one is around except for one of your friends from furaffinity. In the end, you just catch up with your webcomics until Rose finally, finally wakes up. 

You've never seen her without her makeup before. She looks different, softer. She doesn't change out of her pajamas; plaid flannel pants and that one angry Squiddle shirt she used to love so dearly. Her boobs are a lot bigger than yours. 

“Did you sleep well?” she asks.  
You tell her that you did, how about her?  
“Not very,” she says.

You spend most of the day watching anime in Rose's bed, shoulders bumping together and hands intertwined. You kind of want to ask about her mom, but you think it's probably best not to. You're learning! You tell her as much, and she smiles in that way that means she's laughing at you. Not in a patronizing way, just in a Rose way. She is such a dork. 

For supper you make microwave lasagna. Rose looks around for her mom, and when she doesn't find her anywhere, you eat it sprawled on the living room couch, watching reruns of Doctor Who. The packaging said it would serve four people, and you eat all of it. 

You change the channel and end up with an old horror movie you've never seen before. Rose is lying in your lap and you're stroking her hair.  
“Your roots are growing in,” you tell her.  
“Oh dear, whatever will I do?”  
She opens her mouth as if to say something else, but appears to change her mind. She looks happy. You offer to help bleach her hair later.  
“Would you also permit me to brush your hair?” she asks. You laugh and say that she's welcome to try, but you think your hair is doomed to be a skullmurder jungle island in its own right.  
“I like your hair,” Rose says, and that's how you know that she's falling asleep.  
“You can do whatever you want to it,” you say, leaning back on the sofa.  
“Nothing would make me happier,” she replies. 

You're not really sure what you're doing. Growing up, you didn't have a lot of opportunities for physical contact with someone who wasn't a dog. You're sort of just petting Rose's head and feeling her hair. It's really soft and nice, like water. You must be doing good, because the next time you look down, Rose is asleep. You turn the TV off. The room is dark. 

After a while you get restless, so you start to ease her off your lap, careful not to wake her up in the process. You're not really sure where to go. Sneaking around upstairs seems a little rude, so in the end you just go into the kitchen and turn on the lights there. Rose's mom is sitting on the cold stovetop, a glass of wine in her hand. You manage not to scream, but it's a close thing. 

“What are you doing here?” you ask her in an indignant stage whisper.  
“I live here, lmfao. You want some wine, kid?”  
Normally you would've taken her up on her offer, but Rose is asleep on the sofa and you don't want to wake her up. Besides, Rose's mom was just sitting there in the dark watching you while drinking wine! That's a little creepy, even to you.  
“I don't think so, mo- Ms. Lalonde.”  
She laughs at you, the way Rose does.  
“I'm not forcing you, kid. Just being a good host and all that.” She's not whispering, not quite, but her voice is quieter than usual. You wonder if it's just because she's not as drunk as usual, or if the dark and the stillness of the house is affecting her, too.  
“Go to bed, honey. I'll take care of Rosie.”  
You obey. 

Halfway up the stairs, you turn to see her behind you, at the bottom of the steps. She's put the glass down, and she's carrying Rose in her arms, princess style. She's taken off her heels. You ascend the stairs as quickly as humanly possible, and head for the bathroom. 

You're brushing your teeth when you see Rose's mom standing behind you, reflected in the mirror. She's holding the wine glass again.  
“You can call me Roxy,” she whispers, before disappearing into the darkness.


	3. chapter three (where we further establish that mom is an unpredictable sexy drunk womanchild)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the last time I published three chapters of the same fanfic was in 2006, holy carbs

You dream about Sburb, but it's one of the good dreams. You're on the ship with all your friends, and you're having so much fun! Except something is missing. Rose isn't there. Rose isn't there and she should be. You're about to give up, go and play with some consorts, when you see her. Floating in space. You kick off from the ground and fly, coming up to meet her, your eyes fixed on that blond hair and purple pajamas, but as you get closer you realize that something is wrong, her hair is longer than it used to be, her lips are fuller, her skin a slightly different tone. Then she opens her eyes, and they're bright pink instead of lavender, and you fall. Rose's alarm clock wakes you. Her winter break is not for another week, so she has to go to her fancy private school when it's not the weekend. She turns it off and goes into the bathroom, and you can hear her shower and get dressed while you doze off on your mattress. When she comes back into the room she's wearing dark jeans with a nice, brown blouse. She's wearing makeup again, and she's done something with her eyebrows, too.

“You look nice,” you manage.  
“Thank you. I'm leaving in approximately fifteen minutes. If all goes well I'll be back around four. Until then I trust you'll make yourself at home. Don't bother the cat if he shows up. Have a nice day, Jade.”  
And with that, she's off.  
You kind of expected Roxy to drive Rose to school, but when you make it downstairs half an hour later, she's on the couch watching a cooking show and drinking some kind of cocktail from a martini glass. You grab some fruit from the fridge and head back upstairs.  
You turn on you laptop, and start up Pesterchum while eating. Predictably, Dave says hi. You interrupt him.

GG: youre up early!!  
TG: thundering like a choir of the manliest angels you can imagine clad only in the tiniest of angelic thongs  
TG: showing off their toned pecs and muscular  
TG: yeah i never slept  
TG: bros not home so im not going to school  
GG: :/  
TG: so anyway hows roses place  
GG: im not sure?  
GG: were having fun! but her mom is really weird :/  
TG: wow are you serious  
TG: the woman who collects wizard statues drinks enough to drown a fish and who built a mausoleum for her fucking cat is really weird what else have you got  
GG: thats not what i meant and you know it!!  
GG: last night she was asking me if i wanted something to drink and it kind of felt like she was...  
GG: hitting on me?  
TG: oh shit  
TG: gross  
TG: call cps immediately  
GG: youre gross!!!  
GG: i dont think its a bad thing necessarily  
GG: im just confused :/  
TG: yeah no shit  
TG: but i mean youre sort of friends with my bro right  
TG: not to mention john and rose and me  
TG: by the way i kind of thought you and rose were in lesbians  
GG: what?? :?  
TG: sorry harley but it looks like you just attract weirdos  
TG: oh doctor how long do i have????  
TG: impossible to say im afraid  
TG: could be a week  
TG: could be a year  
TG: how long can YOU resist the charms of grown ass drunk cat ladies  
GG: shut up!  
GG: its not like that! i was just kind of surprised  
GG: in the game it didnt seem like she liked me much :/  
TG: well that wasnt roses mom was it that was a totally different chick  
GG: i guess:/  
GG: i should probably go talk to her? i mean im sure shes a nice lady and all!!  
TG: oh shit bro just came back  
TG: tell john i love him  
TG: and also rose i guess  
TG: no incest  
TG: youd better make sure they play that booty song at my funeral or ill come back to haunt you  
TG: okay later harley  
TG: go talk to the drunk cat lady  
GG: bye dave! :)

You log out of Pesterchum again, and go over to your bags to find some clothes to wear. You pick out a plain skirt and settle on the t-shirt John got you, before going into the bathroom. It's still kind of warm and humid in there from Rose showering. You decide to get a quick shower, too. You forgot your shampoo at home, so you use Rose's.

Drying your hair is a giant pain in the ass, so you just wrap it in a towel before going downstairs to check on Roxy again. She's playing Mario Kart, the first one. You briefly wonder how old she is. Thirty-five? Forty? After the race ends, she looks up at you.

“Morning,” she says. “You want to play some SNES?”  
You tell her you're happy to just watch for now. She nods and starts another race. You sit down next to her. Her hair looks curlyer than usual. You're really not sure how to start a conversation about her potentially hitting on you.

“I like your hair,” you say.  
“Same,” she replies absently.

You're quiet for a while after that. Roxy focuses on her game, mostly, but not with the childish dedication you probably would've expected, more like it's a ritual or something. You think about Rose, whose room is an incorrigible mess, but who helps keeps the rest of the house in perfect condition, just to spite her mom. Who is cruel to be kind and does nice things as a way to say fuck you. Who can never just come out and say anything outright.

“Were you hitting on me, yesterday?” you ask, and for a second Roxy looks so surprised and sad that you almost regret it. Then she laughs.  
“Maybe a little? I'm not saying we should kiss or anything, but you're a cute lady who's in my house, how often does that happen?”  
You just look at her. She's lonely, you guess.  
“I'll stop if you want me to, right? But you have to actually say what you want. Use your words, kid.”  
You're not sure what to say to that.  
“Me and Rosie both would do absolutely anything for you, you know, just say the fucking word,” she adds. She lifts her glass to drink without pausing the game.  
“I'll think about it,” you say.

“What are you drinking?” You ask her after a while.  
“Blue raspberry martini,” she says, and oh my god that doesn't even sound like a real drink, “want some?”  
Oh, what the hell. Maybe it'll be easier to talk to her if you have more in common. Like alcohol.  
“Sure!”

She nods towards her glass, and you lift it up and take a sip. It isn't so bad.  
“You drink it,” she says, “I gotta get back to work soon.”  
“What are you working on?” you ask her. It hadn't really occurred to you that Roxy did actual work and didn't just walk around being drunk all day.  
She turns the game off, and gets up from the sofa.  
“Maybe I'll tell you later,” she says.

You spend the next couple of hours outside. It's raining, but not a lot. It's sort of nice to see all the places Rose talked about in person, even if she's kind of negative about everything. When you come back inside, you immediately go upstairs to change out of your wet clothes. You hang your clothes over the back of Rose's computer chair to dry, then you find dry underwear and a new skirt to put on. This one's red.

You're still looking around for a shirt when you hear a loud thud from Roxy's room. Oh god, what if that was her passing out from the alcohol? You don't know if she's been drinking, but it seems pretty likely. Oh man, have to go and see if she's okay! You run out of Rose's room and through the corridor, but when you reach the door you know is hers, you pause. It sounds awfully quiet in there.

You start carefully opening the door.  
“Hello?” you call.  
“Roxy?”  
No answer. Oh man, oh fuck, this is bad.

You've gotten the door almost all the way open when you see the transportalizer. You breathe a sigh of relief. Roxy hasn't passed out drunk, she's just gone to wherever the transportalizer leads to? You consider putting on a shirt before following her, but hey, she could still be in some kind of danger, right? You have to be the hero. You walk over and stand on the transportalizer, let it do its thing.

You step off the pedestal and immediately realize you're in the lab. Roxy is lying on the floor, laptop and liqueur bottles arranged in a semi-circle around her. Her dress is rucked up above her hips and her hands are inside her underwear. Oh. Oh.

You should leave. You should really, really, really leave; you should let Roxy have her sexy drunk privacy and not make this any weirder than it already is, but she's looking right at you and moaning, and honestly it's pretty sexy, but it also makes your heart ache for her a little. You wish you could stay with her and be her lab assistant, so she wouldn't have to be alone all day. You wish you could help her not be drunk all the time. You wish you could make her and Rose listen to each other.

You really wish you could get a better look at what she's doing to herself, but her panties and leggings are in the way. She's breathing pretty hard. There's black lipstick on her teeth where she's been biting her lower lip. You're acutely aware that you're not wearing a shirt; that your hands are on your thighs and that if you moved one of them just a little, you would be touching yourself and it would feel so, so good.

You take a careful step towards her, like she's a cat you're trying not to scare; like you don't want her to see you, even though her eyes are locked on yours. She's saying your name. You move your hand down to rub between your legs, over the skirt, just once. It's not really enough to feel good, there's too much fabric in the way, but it makes her louder, makes her hands move faster. You can see the movement in her arms all the way from her shoulders. You tell yourself that it doesn't count as creepily masturbating to your friend's drunk mom if you don't finish, so all you have to do is take your hand away before it gets too good.

You don't take your hand away. You move it up a little so that you can rub your fingertips against your clit, hard enough that it feels good even though the fabric. Some of the wetness is starting to soak through your skirt in the front. You tell yourself that it doesn't count as creepily masturbating to your friend's drunk mom if you just keep doing it outside your clothes. If you don't use your other hand too, even though you want to. If you leave immediately after. If you can keep quiet.

When you moan, Roxy knocks over one of the bottles with her leg and doesn't even care.

You watch her face while she comes. She looks more like a teenager than an adult woman. You think she's beautiful.

You were kind of worried about what would happen after - whether she would try to talk to you or something, but she's just lying there, eyes closed, catching her breath. You turn around and transport yourself back to the house, still touching yourself. It kind of hurts more than it feels good, now, but once you're in Rose's room, you throw yourself down on her bed, push down your skirt and underwear and make yourself come anyway. You tell yourself it doesn't count if you just imagine her hands and not her face.

Afterwards, you remember that you should probably make sure Roxy doesn't choke on her own vomit.


End file.
